Self-compassion is the long way of saying be kind to yourself. It's the check at the door that needs to happen when life starts to spiral out right before you. It's the stop sign going up before your thoughts begin to take you down a rabbit hole of negative self-talk. Take that moment to breathe and be still. Take that moment to wait just a moment to convey your thoughts differently. You may even need to go within the arsenal of your heart and remind yourself as to who you are.
I remember earlier in the year, I had a few events take place in my life and it felt like I was being hit with an avalanche of issues that were beyond my control. I found me being harsh to myself because I didn't know what else to do. My thoughts got so big that they started to cloud who God said I was. I had to take a several seats for my own sake because I was headed on a downward spin.
I didn't know it at the time, but God had his hands on me. You see as my thoughts got louder with each passing day; I felt like God had forgotten me. I felt like God didn't love me anymore. I felt like I had messed up so bad in my life that there wasn't anything I could do to get back into his grace. To be honest that was one of the hardest falls I took this year. Climbing out of a mental fog created by mishaps in life and trying to go with the motions not realizing that God was trying to point me in a different direction.
It was like I could see where I went off track, but didn't catch it in time. So when the spiral started to happen, I knew that it was on me. There was an immense amount of guilt, blame and shame that I had to recover from. To be fair this was on top of other underlying issues I didn't know were there. Yet, this is where I found hope and self-compassion. I learned that although things happened, I didn't need to tie my identity into those mistakes.
You see a few years ago, God gave me an affirmation that read, "I am not defined by my past mistakes." At that time, I understood what He was saying based on the set of experiences that I had been through at that time. Yet, here I was years later having to be reminded of that the same affirmation because now is when I needed it the most. I needed to know that what I had experienced didn't define who I was or who I was called to be. I needed my heart to remain soft to receive God and not reject Him. He needed me to cling on to Him and His word.
I needed to stop trying to do and just look up for a moment. Like a child who sits before their parent in tears about breaking their favorite vase. The parent reaches out and wipes away the tears and holds their chin up because they are just glad that their child was okay. Those were the moments I was having with God. That I needed to know that He was assuring me that I was going to be okay.
During those months, I wasn't surrounded by friends or family. It was just me, God and the help that He sent. I sat with God daily because I knew that I needed to be refilled back up. The empty cup that I had been carrying was in desperate need of a pour. The wounds that I carried needed to be dressed in His love. The betrayal and heartbreak that I felt needed God's wisdom.
I had fallen and God was on a mission of picking me back up to put the broken pieces back together. I didn't know how long this journey would be or how this would look. I had no idea what elements would present themselves, but I had to trust in God. Each part of the journey came with trials and storms that I had to face, but His face was the reminder that I was not alone.
You see the kindness that I needed to give to myself in that moment was not available due to events that took place. I had to seek love from the well of God's love that poured out more than enough for me to love on me properly. I needed the well of His attention and the well of knowing that His love covers a multitude of sins. It was in the well that I was able to find a lasting source that would help me in the days, weeks and months to come with recovering from the trauma that I had endured.
If you find yourself in a place where your thoughts do not align to who God says you are. Pause and begin to repeat scriptures about the promises of God and who God calls you to be. Interrupt the thoughts that you are having with prayer and rebuking them. The enemy wants to infiltrate our minds, but we serve a God who is far stronger than anything else that comes our way. So, remain steadfast in Him and allow Him to direct your steps on this day.
Any shame, guilt or blame that you have been carrying is not yours to keep. cast them to the Lord and allow His yoke to be upon you. For His yoke is easy and His burdens are light. (Matthew 11:28-30)
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